Nice Guys and Their Finishing Placement as Observed by a Pirate

nice guys finish last

 
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Dialog:

  • Pirate:
    • Avast, I have discovered it is impossible for "nice guys" to "finish last"!
    • How, you say?
    • Well, nice people do moral things.
    • But, if "nice guys finish last," being not-nice would be the only way to ACTUALLY achieve moral goals.
    • So, only not-nice people could do moral things and be “nice guys.”
    • Contradiction ye skallywags!
  • Starboard:
    • So "nice people" are actually mean people who try to do good things?
  • Pirate:
    • Maybe...let me think about that...yar.
 

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